Why I’m Not Doing A Gift Guide This Year

The other day I said to myself, “wouldn’t it be fun to do a Gift Guide on my blog?” and then I responded, “what are you, crazy?” Some more heated words were exchanged and as a result, I’m no longer speaking to myself and am forced to communicate with other people who are not me. I’m sure it goes without saying (to myself or anyone else) that this is agonizing.

One of the problems with doing a Gift Guide is that I hate shopping. I know people say that they hate shopping and then they have 3,000 pairs of shoes and 1200 purses, so you have to assume that they suffer from Post Shopping Stress Syndrome. I’m not like that. I have like 3 pairs of shoes and one pair of sneakers and one pair of boots, because in case you’re skimming this, I hate shopping. I have buyer’s regret before I set foot into the store, before I click “confirm purchase” before I get the package. Retail therapy doesn’t work for me. I’m looking into retail shock therapy, maybe. Who knows.

The other problem with doing a Gift Guide is how the hell do I know what you should get the people on your list? What am I, some sort of Gift Giving Miss Cleo? Solve your own gifting problems, Magi.

But then I thought, well, there are certainly things I like, so maybe I can recommend them. Does that even make sense? For example, I really like this:

Yep, Smashbox Photofinish Primer is great and makes my face feel like a baby’s bottom, which is apparently a desirable facial feature. But how do I know that everyone will like it? I mean, it’s just my opinion and my taste.

So maybe I’m supposed to make a Gift Guide for things I’d like to receive? That would be ok, because I certainly know what I like, but the problem is I already have the things that I like, that’s how I know I like them.

As you can see, Gift Guides are agonizing. That’s why I leave them to the experts. But if you insist on my advice, I recommend giving the gift of humor. Because goodness knows, we could all use a laugh or a million. Fortunately, my Twitter friend Suzy has a new book out, Celebrity sTalker about her run-ins with celebrities. And they’re not celebrities you’ve never heard of, they’re celebrities like Bea Arthur and Angelina Jolie. I laughed on almost every page. I love Suzy’s sense of humor and she’s very self-deprecating. And I really think that if I lived in L.A. and did standup comedy (while sitting down, probably), I’d write a similar book. Except I don’t have a sister, so that chapter about how Suzy’s sister was dating Johnny Carson wouldn’t be in the book. So you’ll get more out of Suzy’s book than mine. So, buy it. It’s my gift to you. Also, there’s an Amazon Affiliate link in there, so I’ll probably be a billionaire soon, just in time for Obama taxing the rich. I just can’t catch a break.

Finally, my friend Peajaye made this animation and it made me laugh and laugh and laugh. Take a look!

And Happy Holidays!

One year ago ...

• Gifted - 2011