Hi.
Don’t be afraid, but I think we’re being watched.
By US Weekly.
Because just the other week I complained about US Weekly putting trashy Teen Mom on the cover instead of a real movie star and this week we have this:
Reese! An actress! An actual actress! Who married someone that no one has ever heard of, so I can’t quite figure out what the point of that was. But good luck to the newlyweds!
The other thing that makes me think that US Weekly in onto me is that this issue is completely devoid of images of a torn photo of a couple to signify a breakup. As a matter of fact, it seems like there have been no celebrity breakups at all this week. It’s like US Weekly and all of Hollywood is conspiring against me.
Whew, good thing I’m not paranoid, right?
Wait, are you talking about me?
Anyway, on to this week’s Us Weekly
• Who Wore It Best? breaks new ground by pitting 4 celebrities (although the only one I recognize—Carmen Electra. Who are Lala Vasquez? Not a Teletubby! Joanna Krupa? Louise Roe v. Wade?!) in an Old Navy $34.50 sundress. Love that celebrities (even the ones I’ve never heard of!) are dressing in Old Navy!
• Rihanna
• Lindsay Lohan is dropping her last name and will now go by just “Lindsayâ€. Please adjust your contact lists.
• Devastating news. 57% of the readers of USMagazine.com think that Brooklyn Decker’s new hair cut is NOT HOT.
• Stars- They’re Just Like US. See Drew Barrymore enjoy lunch! John McEnroe gets sunscreen applied!
• Bette Midler’s daughter looks exactly like her. It’s like Bette 2.0
• Brad and Angelina went on a kid-free getaway! Thank goodness they were able to find someone to watch the kids.
• Britney Spears is hot again. And seems to be dating her grandfather.
• Also there’s an article about Brett Michaels. If someone could please read it and let me know if and when Rock of Love
• There’s a new US Makeover feature which spans approximately a million pages. Bottom line, no one looks good with a topknot. No one.
That’s it for this week!
Don’t forget to check out my take on this week’s rag covers over at Mamapop and for something a bit more highbrow head on over to The Mouthy Housewives where we share our favorite spring reads!
This post contains Amazon Affiliate links. And lots of gossip love.
Image
One year ago ...
- I'm Older! - 2012
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: Goodgirlgonered
April 2, 2011 at 8:17 am
Oh, yay. L.lo must think that dropping the last name will separate her from her crazy parents and everything will get better. Cause it WILL, right?
Twitter: ssmirnov
April 2, 2011 at 8:49 am
Am thinking it was that time you complained about the lack of people with prominent chins being featured on US Weekly that pushed Reese into the place of honor? Next up: Jay Leno, Ben Affleck, Sarah Jessica Parker.
Twitter: gdrpempress
April 2, 2011 at 12:08 pm
I never even noticed that Reese’s pieces had a huge jaw until I read it from an interviewer, who sat across from her , and the exact words were, “a jaw the size of a doorknocker.
Ever since…that’s all I see.
Twitter: NorthWestMommy
April 2, 2011 at 1:11 pm
I don’t understand why all celebrities keep remarrying? Call me old fashioned, but after a couple of failed marriages they should find a new hobby.
At the risk of sounding unhip, what is a Brooklyn Decker?
Thanks for the re-cap! Although I do have a hair cut this week and was looking forward to my own US Weekly time. Maybe there will be a special Royal Wedding Edition coming out.
Twitter: annsrants
April 2, 2011 at 7:59 pm
I will never see Reese the same again. Thanks, Chin Ruiners.
Wouldn’t Lindsay Lohan be better served by dropping her bong than her last name?
Twitter: OldTweener
April 2, 2011 at 11:01 pm
I had NO idea that the stars used sunscreen! Ate lunch! And I love Old Navy too, so at least now I know that the stars don’t mind being seen in it too.
And if anyone asks, I would not watch Brangelina’s kids.
Twitter: melanieb120
April 2, 2011 at 11:54 pm
I always felt Reese’s jaw and the rest of her head, for that matter, was fairly large. Kind of like a Babyhead: babies during their first year of life – their heads tend to be big and make up half of their entire length with their bodies making up the rest.
Not knocking Babyheads. They’re adorable. I have a 1 year old with the cutest babyhead (and no neck).
Twitter: mannahattamamma
April 3, 2011 at 10:03 am
Reading these magazines is a mixed pleasure for me. Don’t get me wrong–I love to see famous people pick their teeth with matchbook covers as much as the next person. But the endless pix of “celebrities” whose names I don’t recognize makes me feel like I’ve got one foot on the grave and the other on the red carpet of a new Best Buy store opening. What is a Brooklyn Decker, anyway, or an Audrina Partridge? Or that Audrey person whose spangled body is draped across the sides of buses? What we need in these mags are more pictures of Viggo Mortensen. Preferably without his shirt (or blouse, if you know what I mean).
Twitter: grandemocha
April 3, 2011 at 6:47 pm
I got US on my Nook. Just because I wanted to read along with you. I like People better but it doesn’t come in Nook format.
Thank goodness. Where would I find the top news stories if it weren’t for you. You’re like AP.