Still a Wonderful Man

Earlier this week, Husbandrinka and I were having a discussion about which one of us was luckier to have found the other.  Well, I was having the discussion in the form of  a monologue about my finer qualities and he was listening to music.  With headphones.  Those Bose-surround sound and extraneous noise eliminating ones headphones.  So, that pretty much means that I won and that he’s super lucky.  And not just because he didn’t have to listen to me.

By the way, please tell me that when you see someone with headphones on, you start mouthing words to them, so they take off the headphones to hear what you’re saying and you’re just mouthing the words. Because I can’t be the only one who does this.

But his luck got me thinking about our relationship and how I introduced him to my parents.  I wrote about it last fall, and I wanted to re-share it here today.  And lest you think I’m lazy, I updated the post, so it’s totally fair!

_______________________

from September 2008

Yesterday morning, I overheard the following conversation between my mother and my 10 year old daughter.

My daughter: Do you remember the first time that you ever met my daddy?

My mother: Of course I do! Your mother came to me and said, ‘I met a wonderful man, mama! Would you like to meet a wonderful man, too?’

There are two things that strike me about this conversation.

First, my mother’s not a native English speaker, so sometimes articles trip

her up. Actually, articles are sometimes challenging for the me, as well, but since I had formal education, it is less the challenging for me than for my a mother.

Anyway, because of the articles, the retold conversation between her and me sounds a bit like Fiddler on the Roof meets a match.com commercial. You may think that that’s just a Jdate commercial, but since I’ve never seen one of those, I’m going with my original scenario.

And second is that if I recall correctly, the actual conversation that led to her meeting my future husbanbd went something like this.

Marinka (late 20s, clock ticking): I’m going out tonight.

Mama (clutching “Is Your Daughter a Lesbian? 10 easy ways to know For Sure” quiz): Going out again? Have a great time. All my friends’ daughters are getting married and having babies, but have fun. More the vodka for you?

Marinka: GOD! You’re driving me crazy! There’s more to life than marriage! I am an independent woman! Like Gloria Steinem! I need a man like a fish needs a bicycle!

Mama: What with a bicycle? You don’t even know how to ride a bicycle. If you did, you could exercise. And what is this fish nonsense? Everything is about food with you. Eat less, exercise more, you’ll meet someone nice.

Marinka: I don’t need a man! I can take care of myself! By the way, can you lend me $20?

Mama: $20? For a cocaine?

Marinka: Yeah, like you can get cocaine for $20.

Mama: Oh, so now you know the price of cocaine. Heroin, too, I suppose. This is God punishing me for my sins. There is no other reason that someone like you would be unmarried. And not even seeing anyone. Just hanging out with your whore drug-addicted friends. Don’t think that I don’t know what the they do.

Marinka: You know nothing about life! Julie is not a whore, she is a dancer.

Mama: A naked dancer. And people give her money.

Marinka: It’s less debasing than working at McDonalds for like minimum wage.

Mama: The food again. It’s like an addiction with you.

Marinka: I’m just saying-

Mama: You need a man. You’ll go crazy otherwise with all these fish and lesbians.

Marinka: I am not a lesbian!

Mama: Just go, I’ll be fine.

Marinka: OH MY GOD! I am seeing someone, ok? We have been dating for a while.

Mama: Stop this nonsense. Who is he, the Kentucky Fried Chicken Colonel?

Marinka: No, he’s like a real man. With a job.

Mama: Stop your the hallucinations.

Marinka: YOU ARE GOING TO MEET HIM NEXT WEEKEND!

Mama: Ok, if you want to bring him by.

Maybe she’s saving the real story for when my daughter is 11?

UPDATE:  My daughter is now 11.  I assume that mama is saving the real story until she’s 12.  Let’s check back next year and see if I’m right!

One year ago ...

• Scent of a Woman - 2012