I’ve had a a  busy week.  Sadly, the details aren’t interesting, except for the tragic part yesterday when I forgot to watch the premiere of Project Runway.
And when I was invited to my local Gap store to be styled for BlogHer. Â I can only assume that the good people at Gap did this because the people in charge of BlogHer called them and complained about my outfits from last year. Â So it was sort of a rescue mission, if you will. Â A humanitarian effort, like Doctors Without Borders, except with clothes.
I know that I’m a girl and everything, but I really hate shopping. I hate shopping so much that I’ve been known to walk into a store, grab clothes and leave. Â After I paid for them, of course. Â But I can’t bear to try them on, Â so I convince myself so they will fit and that if they don’t, I’ll just return them. Â Because that’s obviously easier and faster than going into the fitting room.
But I very much did not hate this. Â Because the stylist, Devinne, was amazing. Â She asked me a few questions about what I liked and didn’t like and then pulled together outfits that I would have never picked out on my own, but absolutely loved. Â I even fell in love and had to have a shirt that looks like a vagina, but in a flowery way, not side-view poster at the gynecologist’s office way.
Devinne and I did  have a small, shall we say, creative difference, when she brought me a pair of skinny jeans to try on.  I have a sneaking suspicion that she just did that for her own amusement, which is something I hope that Doctors Without Borders would never do.  It was certainly an educational experience for me.  Like, I had no idea that thighs were sort of like lungs, and that if they were constricted by thigh-binding matter, they’d stop breathing.
After the medical professionals were done extricating me from the jeans, we resumed regularly scheduled styling.
I love every outfit and accessory. Â (I couldn’t get shoes because Gap caters to the human foot, up to size 10. Â And I’m size 11, like a supermodel. Or Fred Flinstone.)
And I need to share this with you. Â When I first saw it, it made me laugh out loud, which is different from LOL. Â I hope that you love it as much as I do.
And if you see me at  BlogHer, please reassure me that my shirt doesn’t look like a vagina.  It’s a real ice breaker.
Like an O'Keeffe painting. With a hint of Botticelli.
Disclosure: Â Gap gave me a ton of new clothes, free of charge. Â And also two bags. Â They are awesome. Â Thank you, Gap and Brand About Town!
One year ago ...
- Hello From Mama and Papa! - 2012
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So where, exactly, do you buy your shoes, Marinka???
Twitter: BigPieceofCake
July 30, 2010 at 7:50 am
Can’t wait to see your new outfits (even the x-rated…okay “art piece”…ones).
I hear you on the skinny jeans. Even at my skinniest – my body doesn’t do those. Recently on vacation, Chris was picking up some shorts at the outlets and in an unprecidented moment of spendiness decided to get me a pair of jeans from Lucky. He called to ask my size, but didn’t bother to look at (or question…or notice) the style descriptions. So the pair he brought home for me, in my theoretical size, would require the removal of half of each calf and possibly both femurs. At least I got to return them for a more appropriate style, so I guess the minor humiliation was worth it.
AND – I too missed the project runway premier. But I hold my neighbor 100% responsible since she has DVR and we were supposed to watch it at her place when we got our kids to bed. But HER son had the audacity to be sick or something (that family is so selfish) so I have to wait until this weekend. I wonder if she even thought to record Austin and Santino on the Road…
Twitter: missbritt
July 30, 2010 at 7:52 am
Um, I’m kind of afraid for you right now. I mean, honey, what does your vagina look like?!?!
Because that?
No.
You’ll just have to see it in person. THE SHIRT.
possibly a labia that had a run in with a tractor, but Vag, notsomuch.
I got the very same top! And now I’m paranoid!
Twitter: wendiaarons
July 30, 2010 at 9:20 am
Shit. Now I can’t get a vagina dress when I go to the Gap this morning. You ruin EVERYTHING!
Twitter: msmegan
July 30, 2010 at 10:04 am
Are you watching old lady porn?
Twitter: grandemocha
July 30, 2010 at 10:18 am
The color gray made me wonder about that too.
Twitter: Mamabirddiaries
July 30, 2010 at 10:13 am
we can all use a little more vagina in our lives. wait, that’s not what i meant.
i love skinny jeans. I’m sorry. I do.
Twitter: Stimey
July 30, 2010 at 10:15 am
Wait. I missed Project Runway? Dammit.
I’m laughing at all the comments. Nice of Gap to take care of you like that. :o)
Twitter: aroadwithaview
July 30, 2010 at 10:52 am
Your talking about your shirt made me think about that episode of SATC when Charlotte posed for the artist. But your shirt doesn’t look like that at all. So, whew.
P.S. I’m the same kind of shopper. I hate shopping, and I loathe trying things on.
I just got that shirt Wednesday….and a pair of skinny jeans to wear with it…..and now I think it looks like a vagina! Great THANKS A LOT!
Twitter: aprilabtbalance
July 30, 2010 at 11:45 am
OMG, I missed the premiere of Project Runway?!? Now I’m destroyed.
Twitter: PhoenixRising73
July 30, 2010 at 12:00 pm
I was expecting something pink. Or flesh. Not elephantish. The color. Not the vagina. I’ve never seen an elephant’s vagina. But that may or may not be something I google this morning.
And Skinny Jeans? Just noticing that when alphabatized Devinne would come right after Devil. (Assuming there are no other words in the list to be alphabatized.)
Love the top. Hate skinny jeans. I caught Project Runway by the skin of my teeth and don’t like how they’ve changed up shooting the runway show.
Skinny jeans are the fashion industry’s way of telling us that any one over the size of 2 is fat. Plain and simple. We’re all fat. Unless you are a total bitch and are a size two.
It’s the truth.
And hey? Marinka? REALLY sorry your vag is all long, fluttery and gray. You REALLY should have that looked at. But the shirt? Very cute! Less vag like than was fearful of.
I can’t wait to see your shirt…
Twitter: SheSuggests
July 30, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Why do they even make skinny jeans in my size? I mean I know I should just walk away but I think “what if they finally perfected this skinny jean for the masses (of massive asses)?” guess how that story always ends?
I’m one of eight people NOT attending BlogHer, so let me just say “nice shirt” (snicker snicker) no really it’s lovely 🙂
Woohoo! Glad it was so successful.
I hate clothes shopping, too. That’s why I go to a thrift store where you can’t try things on. I feel like I’d still have the same results.
And I resent the long, fluttery, gray vagina comment. Looks about right to me.
Shit. I wore a vagina tunic for Shabbas dinner at my inlaws. a red flower-printed one. Now I feel naughty, which is kind of bizzare in my state.
I’ve only seen one vagina (no, no, my own, of course) and while there is some resemblance (mine also has a sort of downward flow), don’t know that I would have pegged that shirt as a Vag.
I can only say that I hope you won’t be wearing that during your keynote speech. No one will be able to concentrate.
Twitter: HipMom
July 30, 2010 at 5:41 pm
Um, you hate shopping? Like, shopping in general? Acquiring lovely clothes and shoes and accessories? Or shopping as in, going into crowded stores with pushy people and obnoxious shop assistants and wait in line for the changing room until you grow a beard?
Dude. Online shopping.
Or, you know, getting a consultation with a personal stylist and a lots of shit for free, that works too.
Twitter: Issascrazyworld
July 30, 2010 at 6:13 pm
Look at you, all popular and shit, looking all nifty in a vagina shirt.
Oh shit, I failed didn’t I?
So nice!
Twitter: homeanduncool
July 30, 2010 at 11:58 pm
My Love is not going to approve of me getting any where within eyesight of you and that dress because she knows how my mind works.
Twitter: CocoAtScreaming
July 31, 2010 at 7:45 am
Oh that video is so funny. Love the part about Heather drinking in her closet. Tooooo funny. No…your blouse does not look like a vagina.
that vid was sooo funny! I agree with Coco about Heather drinking in her closet… I almost spewed coffee! How cool that Gap gave you a stylist and free clothes!
I bet you’ll look fabulous, it was awesome of the Gap to hook you up !
but Marinka–
the carpet doesn’t match the drapes…perhaps you’ll have time to run over to John Barrett??? hehe…
seriously- that is a very flattering top.
Have Fun!!
Signed-
The Lady Ashefield
1. Damn, damn, damn. I forgot to TiVo Project Runway too! This is very upsetting.
2. Oh honey, I’m with you on the shoes thing! I’m a 10 1/2 – 11. It’s a terrible pain in the ass. I have to buy all my shoes off the internet, and they always look cute in the pictures, but butt ugly when actually on my big old feet. Sad.
Twitter: twitter.com/Catootes
August 2, 2010 at 9:50 am
Great shirt!
If anyone asks just say you like the flowering labia interpretation (just kidding).
It is a great shirt.
Twitter: mmmyatt
August 23, 2010 at 10:30 pm
i thought i was the only one who wore size 11 shoes and can’t find any anywhere i go…