The other day I had a heart to heart with my husband.
Which I don’t recommend doing with the heartless.
“Hey,” I started. “Isn’t it weird that that even though I’m a literary genius, I don’t yet have an agent or a book deal?”
“I didn’t realize you were a literary genius,” he said. Oh, that man. Of all the things to respond to in my lament that’s the one he chooses?
“Have you heard that I’m not a literary genius?” I became alarmed. What if someone is starting vicious rumors about me? This would certainly explain lack of an agent and a book deal. I’m being robbed in broad daylight.
“I haven’t heard anything about you being a genius at all,” he insisted.
“Oh. Well. Sometimes the husband is the last to know, you know.” I tried to calm down. “Have you heard that I’m a gift to the written word?”
“No.”
“The Bard of Our Times?”
“No.”
“Pregnant with the Great American Novel?”
“No.”
“Hmm. This is indeed a puzzler. Do you think I don’t have a book deal because the literary community in New York City is antisemitic?”
“I think you don’t have a book deal because you haven’t finished your book.”
“I see. Now it’s my fault. You seem to forget how much I have going on. Between work and the kids and my charity work-”
“Your what?”
“My kids.”
“No the other thing.”
“My charity work?”
“What charity work?”
“You know, the charity work I do.”
“No, I don’t know. What charity work do you do?”
“Do I have to spell it out for you?”
“Please.”
“Fine. I watch The Bachelorette and The Real Housewives of New Jersey, therefor boosting the reality TV show dynamic that keeps our economy afloat.”
“And you think that’s charity work?”
“In a way.”
“It’s kind of amazing that you haven’t been recognized as a humanitarian yet.”
“Oh, I’m much too modest for that kind of thing. I’m no Angelina Jolie, you know.”
“Oh, I know.”
It feels so good to be understood.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
It is hard to be an Emperor without an Empire. Love this post.
Thank you for your sacrifice and service.
You ARE a literary genius!
Twitter: marta28
June 11, 2013 at 10:37 am
You just said pregnant with the great american novel — clearly you ARE a literary genius!
OMG I never realized how loaded down I am with all my charity work…..
I’ll need to point that out to my husband when he bitches about no space left on the box.
Great charity work, giving to a cause that really needs it.
Marinka!!! You always make me laugh. 🙂
I’m a bit shocked to learn you haven’t a gotten a book deal yet.
Twitter: Mamabirddiaries
June 12, 2013 at 9:27 pm
It’s the “writing a book” that’s always stood in my way of getting a book deal.
Every day, I’m amazed you aren’t on bookshelves yet.
I don’t have anything clever and funny to say. You’ve taken all the clever and funny. I’d say it was selfish, but I get to come and read and laugh.
Twitter: theflyingchlupa
June 14, 2013 at 1:21 am
This post is why I love you.
“Which I don’t recommend doing with the heartless.”
All hail the bard of our times! (playing fife)