If you must know, I am currently treating Husbandrinka to silence. The details aren’t important, suffice it to say that everything is his fault. Specifically, the fact that I was selected to serve on jury duty.
True story.
When I got the summons in the mail a few months ago, I immediately sprung into action.
“We must leave America,” I told him, throwing a few essentials into the suitcase. “I still have kinfolk in Old Country and I am certain that they will take us in until we land on our feet and enjoy frequent vodka with our countrymen and perhaps become junior members of the Russian mafia.”
Husbandrinka was not impressed with my planning.
“No one in their right mind would put you on a jury,” he told me. I’m sure that he meant because my beauty would be too distracting to everyone involved, but to be honest, I didn’t really focus on the reasons. I assumed that he said it because he was the new Oracle and therefore spoke the truth.
“Really?” I asked, my eyes filled with hope and childlike wonder. “You’re not just saying that?”
“You have nothing to worry about,” he said and I unpacked. Nicki leaped out of the suitcase and rushed to her litter box.
I have to admit that much like Nicki, I was relieved. Because I could continue to watch Real Housewives of New York in America, like our Founding Fathers intended and not have to get used to Real Housewives of St. Petersburg.
Except I think you know how this story ends.
The plaintiff’s and defendant’s lawyers walked into the jury picking room, shaking their fists at each other with litigious indignation, took one look and me, smiled at each other, and cartoonish red hearts floated from them to me.
“There she is!” They exclaimed.
“This is the juror of our dreams!” The former adversaries agreed.
“I don’t know,” I said, suddenly bashful.
“Oh, please,” they pleaded. “Won’t you be our juror? For you are the best person here, and possibly anywhere.”
(Blogging with Integrity disclaimer: I’m paraphrasing).
So now I’m on a jury. I’m sorry that I can’t say more until this civil trial is over, so I hope that you enjoy my silence. I know that Husbandrinka is loving it.
One year ago ...
- What's In a Name? - 2014
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Well no wonder they picked you. You are, after all, awesome! Plus maybe they could tell that with your humor (which you probably tried unsuccessfully to hide), you’d keep your fellow jurors in good spirits. 🙂
Twitter: ohmommy
May 20, 2010 at 8:02 am
Had you dressed like a Real Housewive of New Jersey and thrown some tables around, you might have gotten off.
Twitter: mommynamedapril
May 20, 2010 at 8:20 am
uhg. i DREAD jury duty notices. i always say i have no childcare options on the return slip (which is TRUE! i SWEAR!). so far, so good.
I have Jury Duty in October. I have thought about bringing my 3 yr old in protest of the awful rule that Stay at home moms don’t get out of JD because of lack of child care. I have no sitter what am I supposed to do??? I might have to bring him in October and if all else fails and I do magically find a sitter I’ll stand to the fact that I think if your arrested you’re most likely guilty of something. I mean really who gets framed these days?
Having been subjected to one of your silent treatments, I’m hesitant to comment further. . .
Twitter: goldengirlblogs
May 20, 2010 at 9:51 am
i have always wanted to serve on a jury. i love law & order and i would pretend i’m on an episode with jack mccoy. i got a summons in college but since i was out of state i got out of it. enjoy your jury duty and maybe you can tell us all something about your experience after the case is over. take care, marinka.
let’s hope it’s not a high profile case and they don’t have to put you in the witness/jury protection program… did you see “Witness”? Wait, I could be confused… do jurors get protection if they put away mafia members or do they just have to try to survive on their own after they have put away the bad guy? Because, won’t his friends be mad? Oh, wait, I’m sure nothing like that ever happens…
😉
Oh, do take copious notes so you can tell us all about it.
(I kind of loved being on a Federal jury a few years ago…)
Twitter: gdrpempress
May 20, 2010 at 12:31 pm
I forget the rules…can you ever tell us about it?
I used to be wanted, like every 1 or 2 years…now no one wants my moldy old a**.
I was totally flattered when I was picked to be on a jury for a criminal case. That thing went on for a week, and I was really disappointed with the outcome.
Right now I am being hounded by a state I moved out of over a year ago for jury duty, even though I have since moved to a different country. I guess they really want me back!
Have fun with all the free coffee!
Twitter: Sweet_Life
May 20, 2010 at 3:37 pm
Oh. JURY DUTY. You remember when I had jury duty for like SIX WEEKS last year, right? And you had to guest blog for me because I had jury duty for SIX WEEKS? In a ROW?
Here’s my best tip: Drink heavily at the lunch break.
Twitter: MommysMartini
May 20, 2010 at 4:48 pm
THANK GOODNESS you put in that disclaimer. I never would have been sure otherwise.
Also, April is lucky. The jury notices I’ve ever gotten in the past say explicitly that lack of childcare is not an excuse that gets you out of jury duty. Thankfully, the date I was supposed to appear was within a week of my due date for delivering my daughter, and they were willing to excuse me on the grounds that I might disrupt their proceedings by going into labor.
If I were a felon, I would want you on my jury. I like you that much.
I have never been picked for jury duty.
Enough said.
you sabotaged yourself didn’t you? You wanted to be picked, right? Is it because of the lunch they serve or because they validate parking?
You are scaring me. I got a jury duty form to fill out and am waiting to see if they want to bring me in to check out. UGH… I have 3 kids that I homeschool! How in the hell do I cover THAT shift???
I’ve never been called to Jury Duty. My neighbor who never goes more than 7 miles from home has been called 3 times in the last 10 years.
I don’t think I’d mind being on a jury, but I think that saying “I hate everyone equally” would get mixed reviews.
Twitter: thecheckoutgirl
May 23, 2010 at 9:44 pm
I’ve never been called for jury duty, which makes me feel small and unimportant. It’s like when one of my friends complains because they’ve discovered yet another twitterer stealing jokes and I go to that person’s page to find that NOT ONE OF MY JOKES HAS BEEN PILFERED! Well, you know what? Screw the courts and screw the twitter. My day will come and they will be like “Oh, what a huge mistake we’ve made” but I’ll be out of the country, high on cocaine, with Lindsay Lohan. Take that.
well, of course they picked you. lol