If your 12 year old daughter has a friend over, and they’re making a home movie in which your daughter is the “mother” and she’s heading to work wearing what looks like a slip, resist the urge to ask if she’s working as a prostitute.  Because when you do, your daughter will shriek OH MY GOD! and her two-years-younger friend will ask what a prostitute is and while you’re busy being all flustered and saying  things like “I mean a postitute. You know, someone who posts a lot” your 12 year old will explain to her friend that a prostitute is someone whose job it is to have sex with people for money and the friend will make the OOOOO face and you can already imagine the phone call that you’ll be receiving from her parents, who probably wanted to break the news about prostitution to her themselves.
And then you’ll ask your daughter how she knows what a prostitute is and she’ll say “from school” and when you push further, she’ll say “because during the Renaissance that’s what people who didn’t have jobs did” and of course the younger friend is not asking what Renaissance is, which is just your luck. Because you’re sure that her parents would look at you with great admiration if you taught their daughter something about THAT.
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{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
Can you talk to my mom, please, about saying “kaka” in front of my little boy, especially when we’re not discussing toilet training?
Thank you.
Yep. Now looking forward with great anticipation to the blog about the phone call with the parents.
Twitter: vboykis
June 30, 2010 at 8:32 am
I’m disappointed you didn’t explain pimps also. If you’re going to to be teaching children about economics, you can’t just teach the demand side of the economy without ignoring the logistics of supply as well.
Shouldn’t the schools be teaching kids these things?! Like part of “Health”, maybe.
Only rich schools do.
Twitter: jukeboxbarb
June 30, 2010 at 9:01 am
quick thinking on the comeback.
My father had very hard time explaining to me to me what “burp of the whore” is.
I was about 6-7 year old at that time. I learned later in life that it was actually a Polish expression.
Dear Papa,
What does “burp of the whore” mean?
This lovely father-daughter moment has been brought to you by Hallmark.
Come to think of it, I think I saw that on a Father’s Day card.
I think I’d rather explain prostitution to my kids rather than the fact that I met my husband at the Renaissance Faire.
The shame. The horror.
Hysterical. Please tell me that there are photographs.
There are. But I have them in a secure location. Plus one that published in a national magazine that still gives me the shakes when I think about it.
Scientifically it is a regurgitation made by the prostitute with allusion to numerous oral sexual acts accompanied by swallowing of the ejaculate.
Dear not-so-awesome-anymore-dude,
Gagging over that description. Hopefully, I’ll forget about it soon.
o…m…g…
Twitter: Peajaye
June 30, 2010 at 12:18 pm
thank you for stepping up to the plate and answering that. (i really didn’t know what it was.) and oddly enough, this happened to a friend of mine in high school. but i guess the girl was more a slut than a whore. and it was probably more due to the fact that she was drunk than anything. still, i loved that my friend ended up with a crotch-full of vomit. ah, memories.
Twitter: Peajaye
June 30, 2010 at 12:28 pm
marinka, maybe you could dig out hudbandrinka’s Bible from storage, and when those parents call, just try to convince them you were reading aloud about Mary Magdalene?
Sorry if someone sensitivity was violated, but Russian-Polish expressions or curses could be somewhat graphic.
Not violated. Just perfectly icky.
Twitter: vboykis
June 30, 2010 at 4:33 pm
My sensitivity was violated…with AMAZINGNESS.
Don’t worry….it was a helpful tip on world views on prostitution!! 😛
I’m Polish . . . my dad didn’t teach me any of this stuff! Thanks, Dad!
I wanted to know what it was, but was afraid to ask! It is as gross as I imagined it would be. How would it be used in a curse? “you are the burp of a whore!”?
Twitter: Carolynonline
June 30, 2010 at 8:44 pm
I think you’re supposed to call the friend’s mom a whore just as a way to distract everyone from the prostitute slip up.
Having a hard time determining which is worse – dressing as a prostitute or dressing for a renaissance faire. Didn’t Madonna do both? (Oh I heart Madonna relax 😉
I’d rather walk down the street with one boob hanging out than put on that renaissance faire crap again.
Twitter: MommysMartini
July 1, 2010 at 10:16 am
Ugh. I *hate* it when I have to explain prostitution to my kids’ friends again. Thanks for the tip about distracting them with the Renaissance. I’m sure that will go over great.
Twitter: Mamabirddiaries
July 1, 2010 at 11:38 am
i just rented “Pretty Woman” to teach my girls about how life as a hooker can bring one ultimate happiness.
LOL Worst movie EVER!
Noted.
Ohhhh myyyy Godddd… hahaahaha…..
P.S. I don’t say OMG that much in real life, promise. Well, I hope I don’t. OMG? What if I DO?
I need to show this to my sister – by comparison, I’m not really all *that* bad for telling my 6 yo niece the proper title for the lifestyle she wishes to pursue when she grows up is called “Gypsy” and that the little kindergarten bad boy she’s intent on marrying will probably pick her up on his motorcycle in a few years to follow that dream. That I didn’t even think to mention the sex trade? Well, that’s sure to get me back in their new swagger wagon (aka minivan) before road trip season is off.