Last month I struggled somewhat with Young Ladrinka.
We all know how much I love him, but it seems that he has positioned himself in the role of the Grand Victim and it’s making me insane.
“You don’t know what my life is like,” he’ll say dramatically.
“What is your life like?” I ask. And he has to pause the Wii, put the bowl of ice cream down and let me know that his life is very unfair because he is the youngest.
“I get nothing. She gets everything that she wants,” he refers to his sister. Who at that moment was scrubbing the toilet bowl because she’s doing extra chores to earn some money for her trip to San Francisco. (She’d since traveled to San Francisco and returned. She’s in love with the city. Who could blame her.)
“It makes me fucking insane how he exaggerates everything,” I tell Husbandrinka and then I feel guilty, because I feel like I should embrace my children, just the way they are and love them.
And I do.
And yet.
Am I allowed to say that when on my son’s birthday I looked at the clock and reminisced that ten years ago at this time I was in labor “going through pain and agony” and he says “that’s exactly how I’d describe my life” I feel, what’s the word? Fucking annoyed.
It makes me feel bad that there are times that my children annoy me, deeply. Feeling mad at them is uncomfortable, because although the love is unwavering the “shut the fuck up already” thoughts that go through my head make me wonder if they can hear them.
“How are the boys?” I ask a friend that I haven’t seen in ages about her 3 and 5 year old sons.
“Such assholes,” she says and launches into the latest.
I don’t judge her, not even a little, because I know just what she means.
But I judge myself.
Because if I admit to myself that what I’m feeling is normal, then maybe I realize that my wonderful, loving parents who doted on me their own child, also considered me a huge fucking pain in the ass. At least sometimes.
One year ago ...
- Those Were The Days - 2010
{ 76 comments… read them below or add one }
I think one of the things we, as parents forget is this simple fact. They may be our children, but they are also people.
And people? Can be annoying.
Doesn’t mean a damn thing about us as parents or how much we love them. Not at all.
Yesterday, over dinner, my 3yo son announced, “I’m sick, I need to go to the hospital.” I responded, “Sick with what? Pain in the tuchas syndrome?” My husbnand and 7yo thought it was hysterical. We’ve all been there.
You are more than normal. I often feel the urge to scream “ASSHOLE” at my 12 yr old son who thinks he knows fucking everything! Ya been there girl! Don’t feel bad!
Twitter: gdrpempress
July 7, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Sorry to laugh, but misery loves company.
A few months ago, we got this from Mr. Sixteen and Suffering,
“You have NO idea what my life is like. How stressful it is. I have papers due all over the place, and my cheeks keep breaking out!!”
You can always try showing him what children with less live like.
yeah! When my son tells me he has no toys, I remind him of a certain child beggar on the street in Calcutta who was tapping at the window of our air-conditioned car and staring wistfully at my son inside eating an ice-cream.
Twitter: ohmommy
July 7, 2011 at 4:21 pm
I was going to write about this on Tuesday but I was too pissed at my kid to make any sense. I’m planning on writing tonight now that I’ve cooled off. No one properly described parenting to me. The hospital should send every mother home with a memo. It’s a roller coaster.
Twitter: Issascrazyworld
July 7, 2011 at 4:22 pm
A specific book on Parenting this exact child for dummies, is what I think I need some days.
Twitter: Issascrazyworld
July 7, 2011 at 4:22 pm
They are my greatest gift and the most likely to send me to the nut house all at once. I’m pretty sure I said this exact thing to my cousin on the 4th. She with four of her own nodded and then fist bumped me.
Twitter: NorthWestMommy
July 7, 2011 at 4:22 pm
I struggle with that too. When I take my son to ride a horse and he tells me to hurry up so he can go home and watch TV instead. And I wonder if for the brief hour I closed my eyes in the hospital he was swapped by an evil nurse. Then I feel guilty and blame my Husband’s side of the family for some recessed gene.
As for my grandma, she was never one to bottle up her emotions.
Frequently heard around my house: “You’re ruining my life!” and “You’re crushing my dreams.” This when my almost 13-year-old son is asked to do horrid things like set the table and feed the dogs, which interferes with his watching his personal DVD player.
Honestly, they should really make you take a class before you decide to breed. Then at least you’d be prepared for this stuff.
I love my kids to pieces but some days I don’t like them AT ALL. I mean my two year-old’s nick name is Asshole Baby after all.
I hate that too! But then I think what assholes they’d end up as if I didn’t try to reform them now. Which is why I am always on the case of my 7yr old. (Well, often. But he needs it. And he gets love and affirmation as well. Honest.)
Twitter: allfookeduptoo
July 7, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Take a deep breath and calm down. Out of three kids there was ALWAYS one that i wasn’t exactly liking at the time. I still loved the kid, they were just a colossal pain in the ass…usually with a martyr complex as well.
Its normal to want to throttle your kids. Good news is that it’s usually just one at a time. My oldest says she has it the worst! It’s always something. And Daniel always says “Mom, you don’t even KNOW my life.”
Nor do i want to…just saying. You’re doing fine
Twitter: myhomemadehappy
July 7, 2011 at 4:37 pm
My 3 boys are quite annoying themselves. My middle son has the “my life is not fair” syndrome. He never gets anything. No one really loves him. It’s a sad, sad story. My husband said he wants to take them all to Africa to show them what unfair REALLY looks like. I think I might let him.
Twitter: rknap14
July 7, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Not long ago, I called my 13-year-old son a jerk. He was being a jerk. I felt bad for saying it but it needed saying. And don’t even get me talking about the 18-year-old!!
And I love them to pieces….every minute of every day — even when they’re jerks.
One of these days I’m going to write the handbook for the nurses to give out with the diaper bag!
Twitter: hokgardner
July 7, 2011 at 4:50 pm
I am currently in Atlanta with all the kids so that Ella can climb at nationals, and she just now complained that the trip is boring and asked why we had to come.
I wanted to smack her.
Twitter: anitahampl
July 7, 2011 at 9:52 pm
Sorry, I live in Atlanta and it IS pretty boring to visit. Opposite of NYC, Atlanta is “a nice place to live but I wouldn’t want to visit”.
Just sayin’.
Twitter: Coconutbelly
July 7, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Was going to sympathize & tell you that you aren’t alone … But you know that already.
Twitter: jackadillo_p
July 7, 2011 at 4:59 pm
Every. Single. Day. my daughter will say, out of nowhere, “Why don’t you love me, Mommy?” or “Why don’t you want to play with me, Mommy?” This, right after demanding — and getting — drink service, her personal choice of cartoons to watch on Netflix on-demand, and some snuggles on the couch.
Kids are assholes. But parents are too nice (usually) to tell them so until they have their own kids.
As they say in Odessa: Let it be as it is.
Twitter: waitinthevan
July 7, 2011 at 5:13 pm
I sympathize with wild abandon.
My 4.5 year-old son whines incessantly as of late, and while I realize that this is how young children are programmed to behave at this age, I also remind myself that, at age 32, I’ve also been programmed to hate it. I guess it takes time and patience. And cookies for dinner. For me, not him.
xo
Twitter: _unwellness
July 7, 2011 at 6:27 pm
I am, this time around, attempting an experiment wherein I give him lots and lots of nice things at a young age and take more and more of them away as he becomes older and more annoying, leaving him with a pencil and a ball by the age of 15. I’ll let you know how it goes (12 years from now). I’m still at the fun part with the little one but the big one is still nearly killing us. I wish I could tell you 20 year old boys were better. But. No.
“Leaving him with a pencil and a ball by the age of 15”. This made me laugh out loud.
I don’t know what everyone is talking about. My precious angel of a baby boy is turning 5 in a month, and he is the bastion of patience, virtue, and undying love for his mommy.
For example, last night at 2 am, he sweetly woke up, sweetly stomped through the house, sweetly woke me up and very sweetly said, “mommy, please go sleep on the couch. I don’t want to sleep all by myself, and you take up the most room on the bed, thanks.”
Isn’t that the most adorable ever?
Twitter: kidsvomitmice
July 7, 2011 at 6:59 pm
You know, whiners are always a pain in the butt, even if you do love them. And you’re doing them a favor letting them know they are a pain in the butt, so they don’t alienate friends, future work colleagues, and future spouses. It’s part of your job as a parent to tell your kid to deal with what life hands out. The world will thank you.
My 16 year old nephew was literally bragging to me about getting an F in math last quarter…. because he missed a ton of stuff while suspended. He runs his mouth 24/7, thinks he’s smarter than everyone else, and some other kid got fed up and soaped his gym locker. So nephew punched him in the face, getting suspended. When he was bragging about the F, which he got after, direct quote, “I proved I can throw my weight around”, I couldn’t help it and “So… you are proud you are a douchebag?” flew right out of my mouth. At his little brother’s birthday party. Oops. But you know what? It’s true. He is and I’d rather he hear it from me and maybe self reflect a bit before he gets a serious ass kicking from any number of the much bigger and tougher kids he’s ran his mouth to and pissed off.
Twitter: SheSuggests
July 7, 2011 at 7:07 pm
My ten year old cousin stayed with us for two weeks, and it was shall we say challenging? I realized that indeed the hardest part of parenting is still to come, as for now my kid isn’t doing things that make me disappointed in her. Isn’t that an awful thing to even think?
Twitter: hotcomestodie
July 7, 2011 at 7:16 pm
My commenting fear Part 34,592, subsection II:
That you’ll never talk about your cancer again.
Twitter: MamaWantsThis
July 7, 2011 at 7:30 pm
I have discovered that people are born assholes.
They just get better at it when they grow up.
Twitter: vboykis
July 7, 2011 at 7:47 pm
Send them to Bangladesh for a couple weeks. I hear there are organizations sponsoring such trips these days.
My darling, my dear – my kids are asshats too in their own way and they have it better than many kids their ages – the two oldest ones are always with a sourpuss face but then I remember that they are kids and if this is what they worry about now – I will be satisfied because life only gets harder as they get older
Twitter: FairlyOddMother
July 7, 2011 at 10:12 pm
I once wrote that my oldest was acting like a dementor, you know those things in Harry Potter that suck all the joy out of someone. Usually she is quite lovely, but sometimes—oy, sometimes—she just enters a room, comes up next to me and I know I’m about to be made unhappy.
And, I read all the comments to see if your parents had popped on to comment. Surely they’ll let us all know if you were ever a huge fucking pain in the ass (I don’t think I’ll believe it though).
Twitter: houseofgirls3
July 8, 2011 at 12:38 am
Oh does this hit home right now. The sense of entitlement drives me to pieces! Just tonight we took my kids to the county fair – where my 8 YO had a colossal meltdown because she wanted to go on more rides and I refused to pay for them. So I suggested she use her OWN money.
You’d have thought I asked her to pull her fingernails off one by one with the sassy bitchfest that followed.
As much as I don’t want to admit that it feels better knowing (and reading the comments) that I’m not alone … it still sucks to have these feelings of anger. And there are many days of them these days…
It’s a good think I love my kids with all my heart, because a lot of the time I don’t like ’em very much. I have an 11 year old girl, and it has become crystal clear to me why the wealthy send their children to boarding school when they are 11.
3 boys here. You’re normal.
They do say that you get as good as you gave. Which puts me in a very bad position with my children. Also, I want to hang out with your friends, they’re pretty fantastic.
Twitter: Peajaye
July 8, 2011 at 2:21 am
I just worry that Mama gave him that ice cream – along with a plastic bag.
This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday – http://www.schmutzie.com/fivestarfriday/2011/7/8/five-star-fridays-156th-edition-is-brought-to-you-by-charlot.html.
Until I met Matt I never wanted to have kids because I was afraid – and I just KNEW – I couldn’t handle it if my kids were anything like I was growing up. Entitled? Bitchy? Uncontrollable? CHECK x3.
So, now I’m pregnant with my third child, and my first…is EXACTLY like me. God help me.
Twitter: amommyinthecity
July 8, 2011 at 7:51 am
Is this what I have to look forward to when my daughter grows up? There are moments when I feel I could pull my hair out from her tantrums, but now you have me thinking it only gets worse from here!
Twitter: annsrants
July 8, 2011 at 8:36 am
Here is some trite wisdom I also believe is true:
If your kids aren’t annoying you, you probably aren’t doing your job as a parent–in other words setting limits all goddamned day.
Also, this is a necessary evolutionary function. We are SUPPOSED to annoy each other–our kids and I–or the children would never individuate from us and leave the home and learn to fly yadda yadda yadda.
Really, it is our job to annoy and be annoyed–otherwise we fall into the “friend” instead of parent category and end up dressing 20 years too young and doing whippets with all the other preschoolers on the playground.
Twitter: pameladayton
July 8, 2011 at 8:44 am
Oh, yes. I have these same darling babes in my house. How did we all give birth to the same people? That has to be some kind of statistical oddity.
Yesterday my 2yo threw a HUGE screaming tantrum about God knows what. As soon as I had put her into the corner facing the wall I flipped her. The relief…
Twitter: subwow
July 8, 2011 at 9:46 am
I was going to thank you and kiss you on the mouth for this because my sons are like this. Yesterday my youngest asked me to make him breakfastwhile I was rushing to get an email out. He stood next to my desk and sighed. Probably even shoot his head. ” well, if I have to wait for 15 minutes for you o make me breakfast, then there really is no point of me asking u, is there?”
Then you pointed out the logical progression of this kind of thinking…
P.s. just want to let you know I absolutely love your style. Even though you just made me realized my parents think I am a mega bitch…
Twitter: CestTracy
July 8, 2011 at 9:51 am
I am suddenly having flashbacks of my teenage years. I think I need to go phone my mom and apologise!
Twitter: phdinparenting
July 8, 2011 at 9:52 am
I’m 100% convinced that you were a huge pain the ass when you were a kid. ;D
You are Speaking Truth to Hallmark, Marinka, and I love you for it. 5 years ago, almost to the date, Little Mister was born. There were 11 hours of labor, 15 minutes of awe and wonderment, an icky post-birth procedure during which I was NOT tracking time, and then the realization: You can’t take him back video store. You can’t put him in the refrigerator, even for that one, blessed cup of coffee. You and I are in this together, Little Mister, and oh do I get tired. The thing I don’t know, at this point, is is it irritation and frustration with a generous helping of guilt on the side, or is it guilt, with heaps of irritation and frustration on the side?
Twitter: AdorkableKati
July 8, 2011 at 9:53 am
“you’re overprotective! You smother me! That’s why I’m emo!” Spoken to me in dramatic fashion by my 10 yr old because I monitor what he watches and listens to.
I was JUST having this conversation with my friend last night. We were trying to assure eachother that we weren’t damaging our kids with our super annoyed moments. I need to send her this post!
yes. yes. yes. i’m with you here, marinka. and i admit i was and am an asshole, too. a martyr/asshole combo. my poor parents.
It is so strange that we are capable of so much and yet not labeling ourselves as failures for very rational responses defies us.
Reading this was soothing, not ashamed to say it.
Twitter: erinmargolin
July 8, 2011 at 10:17 am
I love you. I love this. You are my hero. Thank you for saying what I feel SO MUCH OF THE TIME.
#thatisall
I left my 2-yo kicking and screaming for mummy this morning at nursery. I didn’t turn around, because I JUST COULD NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. It felt so good to just walk away.
The guilt had caught up with me by the time I was home again, calling the nursery to check that she was alright.
Yes! I told my son when he was very young (he’s 22 now) there will be times (probably many) that I won’t like you and that’s ok I’ll always love you. Trust me I busted out “I don’t like you right now” often. Made me feel better. Jerk ass brat that he was being deserved something much meaner.
Twitter: goldengirlblogs
July 8, 2011 at 11:11 am
our 6 y.o. son has been in the ‘woe is me’ stage for quite some time now. and he’ll say “that’s not fair” and i say “well, life is unfair.” military school is looking better and better.
Twitter: marta28
July 8, 2011 at 11:12 am
This happened to me last night and my husband got mad at me for my reaction, but I was tickling my four year old son and he was laughing and having a grand old time and then when I stopped he started crying that he hadn’t wanted me to tickle him and made a big ordeal of the issue. I refused to apologize for tickling him or acknowledge his unnecessary reaction.
Of course I love him, but Jesus that was how do you say it, fucking annoying.
Twitter: daydreamymama
July 8, 2011 at 12:46 pm
My son has one chore. One. Feeding the dog. It takes 3 minutes, tops. Every time I remind him to do it, he heaves out a huge sigh and drags himself over to the dogfood bucket as if he had been working in a coal mine all day. This is after a day at Freaking Nirvana Camp which I had to borrow money from my parents to afford, and before going to the pool. Oh yes, they are annoying, and no doubt we were too.
I’m forgetting which commenter said this, but I love the phrase “sassy bitchfest.”
But I do have to respond to Marta — some kids really find being tickled kind of awful. The laughter can be a physical reflex, not necessarily a sign that they’re having fun.
We’re camping with my 2 four-year-olds right now. They’re being complete assholes.
Oh, I SOOOOO get this 😉 thanks for the honesty—my favorite line, “Feeling mad at them is uncomfortable, because although the love is unwavering the “shut the fuck up already†thoughts that go through my head make me wonder if they can hear them.”
My seven yr old son is such a challenge lately…you may relate well to this post:
http://roadmomma.wordpress.com/2011/05/24/dont-make-me-stop-this-car/
Twitter: smellsofborscht
July 8, 2011 at 1:57 pm
I’m not allowed to comfort my 5 month old son. Mostly because after about ten seconds of him crying like a dying seagull, I get fed up, convinced that he’s messing with me.
My wife tries to tell me he’s only 5 months old, he’s not messing with me.
But both you and I know what’s really going on there.
Twitter: peaceloveguac
July 8, 2011 at 2:20 pm
Right there with you. The only reason I’m not pulling my hair out with my 7yo is because it’s his birthday. Tomorrow we will no doubt be back in the land of whiney ungratefulness. Good times.
My 7 year old had the GALL to say to me the other day, “You NEVER let me do what I want!!” I think my eyeballs almost popped out of their sockets. You know, right after my head exploded.
I think all humans are effing annoying at some point, whether we gave birth to them or not. And sometimes ever more so then…
I definitely feel this way – and I can’t never understand some parents I know who will NEVER admit to being annoyed or not 100% thrilled with their children’s behavior. I guess those parents are just aliens, right?
Hilarious. And SO TRUE. Listen I love my children. It’s just that sometimes I love them better “OVER THERE”… this summer is killing me.
Twitter: gonnakillhim
July 8, 2011 at 11:03 pm
Funny and poignant.
Did I say poignant?
The pause the Wii, put down the ice cream part made me cringe with discomfort – it’s like an Angela Ashes memoir. How does he live?
I hear you, I hear you. I told my daughter yesterday, “God gave me one job in this world: to make sure you grow up to be the wonderful girl he made you to be and not the obnoxious jerk you’re being right now.” Actually shut her up for a minute.
oh my god that made me laugh so hard! I am so stealing that!
Twitter: mommyshorts
July 9, 2011 at 9:07 am
When my daughter is sleeping, I want so badly to play with her. When I am actually playing with her, I am bored to tears.
Also, I’d really like to be friends with the woman who called her kids “assholes.”
My 13 year old returned from a trip to Hawaii with friends and the next day began lamenting her miserable life due to lack of an iPhone4. She NEVER gets anything she wants…ever. She has a very ‘entitled’ outlook on life.
there are times I’ve said to her, “I love you and nothing will ever change that. But, right now…right here, I do not like the person you are becoming.” Boy, she hates that…her life is so unfair.
That’s a kid’s job..being an a-hole. They will get their payback.
I’m getting my payback now….well, not really, because I was a perfect child. So, WTF.
You are hysterical…I am crying with laughter reading your last few posts! I’m so glad I cam across someone someone who can put into words what most of us are thinking! Hilarious.
Twitter: Mamabirddiaries
July 10, 2011 at 9:34 pm
My kids annoyed me 97% of the time today.
As parents of 3 girls, ages 11, 8 & 5, my husband and I often ask “why do they have to act so much like children?”
Parenting gets harder the older the children get, when problems become real, and not just count the amount of times your baby did a poo in his diaper. Even though that stressed me out, too, because I’m so weird and always worried.
Anyway. I know I gave my parents a hard time when I was younger, sometimes, because, well, they TELL ME.
And my children DO drive me crazy and I do yell at them and then two seconds later I say “I’m sorry, I love you.” No matter what the fight it about I will always kiss and tell them sorry, if I yelled or got upset with them. They get away with so much because I’m such a ‘give it to whatever they want’ type of mom, which, I’m learning, is not a good thing.
Sigh.
Twitter: mannahattamamma
July 11, 2011 at 6:18 pm
I love my children and they are the most ungracious, ungrateful jackasses. Simultaneously. Sometimes I think it’s a testament to the strength of sheer fucking biology that there aren’t MORE infanticides, frankly. Because sweet jeezuz if I hear one more time “it’s not faaaaaiiiiirrrrr” …
I guess marriage is practice for parenting? Because my spouse is both my soulmate and the reason I think about leaving home in the middle of the night without any kind of forwarding address.