From the category archives:

John

uPhone

July 5, 2009

John got an iPhone last week and our relationship is in deep peril. As is the future of our country. He keeps forwarding email crap to me and I’m sure that the only reason that he does it is so that the ridiculous legend at the bottom, “sent from my iPhone”, can mock me. He […]

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Hypothetical

June 16, 2009

If your friend John calls you on your cell phone over the weekend, while you’re at your son’s baseball game and you don’t pick up because you are busy cheering or maybe gossiping with other moms, and then he calls again while you’re on your way home, and you don’t pick up because you are […]

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It’s So Hard to Find a Good Cult These Days

May 28, 2009

Last night, John and I were on the phone, telling each other how bored we are. Husbandrinka is away until Sunday. Everything on TV sucks. John’s DVD player is not working, despite his having had it repaired twice. We have nothing to look forward to. I suggested that we try to become religious. You know, […]

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Labial Whore

March 19, 2009

Dedicated to my beautiful and crazy-funny friend Heather. And not just because she wrote about labia before I did. The other day, John called me a labial whore. It was just a term of endearment, so to speak.As soon as he called me that, he asked “wait, what is labia?” and I had to explain […]

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I’ve Had Enough of You! Good bye!

February 27, 2009

There are some things that I don’t do well and one of them ending a phone conversation smoothly. I don’t transition well. When I get tired of speaking on the phone, I say “Ok, good bye” which I thought was perfectly appropriate, until a college friend pointed out that it was really sudden and I […]

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A Sick Fuck

January 18, 2009

I had dinner with a girlfriend the other night and she mentioned a friend of hers, an elderly man that she’d known for years.  So I had a brilliant idea. “Hey,” I told her, “Why don’t you Anna Nicole Smith him?” My friend didn’t think that the idea was quite as brilliant as I did, […]

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Friendship

November 24, 2008

Many of you know about my friend John. We met at work, but I also love him. As a matter of fact, I think that if I were single, and he were heterosexual, and earned more money, and had a better personality, I would marry him. The marriage would really be helped along if he […]

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How I Survive Subway Rides

October 26, 2008

Ok, so I already terrorized you with my subway fears, so now I thought I’d make up with some subway joys.  The key to a wonderful subway experience in NYC is to make sure that my friend John is with you.  If you are visiting New York City, he is available to escort you on […]

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