An Excellent Start to the Weekend

This morning I called papa to wish him a happy birthday and he said “I cannot thank you enough. Also you woke me up, but I was having nightmare, so I owe you a separate thank you for that.” We chatted and he said, “how are your interpersonal relations?” and I said “fantastic!” because apparently I had a pound of Ecstasy before I called him. And then I asked him if he’s like some balloons for his birthday and if you follow me on Twitter, you know the answer to that. (Yes. Attached to testicles).

So then I talked to mama and told her that I may be going through menopause. We chatted for a while, she shared some wisdom and then I said, “please don’t tell papa. Or at least if you do tell him, tell him not to tell me that you told him.” Because I don’t want to have conversations about THAT with papa.

And mama said, “well..” and then she said “Maybe if you don’t want papa to know about it, you shouldn’t put it on internet so he reads it before you tell me about it.”

Gulparoonie!

It’s true. I blogged about it. But what kind of a father reads his daughter’s blog?!

So I called papa again. And yes, they’re in the same house. But they each have their own cell phone.

And I said, “I didn’t know that you read my blog.”
And he said, “I don’t always read it, but I did yesterday.”
And I said, “Well, you should know that I take creative license with my posts.” (An example of creative sentence is that last sentence. Because I take no creative license.)
And he said, “Yes, the minister in France who wrote about having sex with boys in their poophole also said that he took creative license, but people are calling for his resignation.”
So I had to explain to papa why writing that I am going through menopause is different from s0d0mizing children, which is an excellent way to start the weekend.

Finally papa says, “You may or may not be going through menopause. But even if you are not, you will soon. So if you want more children, this is the time to think about it.”

And I said, “I do not want any more children.”
And he said, “Well, think about it.”
And I said, “I have. I definitely don’t want any more children.”
And then he said, “Well, if you are certain, then the fact of menopause isn’t very interesting. It’s just a fact of life. Like death.”

Remember this post? It may soon become the new reality around here.

One year ago ...

• Necessaries - 2012