1. I do not actually drink vodka. I’m not allergic or anything, I just don’t love it. Not like I’ve portrayed myself as a vodka guzzler or anything, but I thought you should know.
2. Except if it’s in a drink that contains other life-saving ingredients. Like tonic.
3. I own zero pairs of stilettos.
4. Wait, was this list supposed to be Huge Motherhood in NYC Resolutions? No? What a relief!
5. The strikeout, which appears to be a beloved blogging technique drives me Miss Daisy fucking crazy. No likey.
6. I also don’t like expressions like “no likey” “nom nom” and “ktxbi”. Thanks to Kirsten for reminding me about some of these. Ok, I just noticed that Kirsten uses the strikeout technique that I so cruelly mocked above. Will this affect our friendship? Stay tuned!
7. When I talk to Mama and Papa in Russian, I do indeed call them Mama and Papa, when I talk about them to my friends in English, I refer to them as “my mother and my father.”
8. My daughter calls my mother “Lady Olga” because her first name is, indeed, Olga, and because “Lady Olga” sounds like “Lady Gaga”.
9. Last month, gay friend John told me that he will be hosting the Blow Job Olympics this winter and I never blogged about it and it’s like an issue between us now. But this is a family blog.
10. I worry that I don’t write enough serious posts and that I am tired of calling Husbandrinka Husbandrinka.
11. This is not a revelation, but thank you. Thank you for reading and leaving comments or sending me emails. You make blogging fun for me.
One year ago ...
- Judge Judy - 2011
{ 51 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: daydreamymama
December 30, 2009 at 9:05 am
Yeah, well, you’re just fabulous. Which is why we all stalk you, I mean follow you. (Note the lack of strike-out in the previous sentence. Which might indicate my devotion to you, or my lack of technological skills, or both. You decide.)
Twitter: woo222
December 30, 2009 at 9:50 am
I don’t think you write too few serious posts, I totally adore your sense of humor and I come to you for my daily laugh. “Lady Olga” cracks me up and if I owned stilettos, I’d be in a body cast. ~Susan
Speaking of speaking in Russian, Payton wants to know how to say ‘cat’ in Russian.
When you say you no likely vodka, you mean just straight, right?
I don’t even know what ktxbi is. But if I could strike it out in comments, I would.
I really think that Payton should move in with us for a while. Or at least with Olga and Papa.
Cat in Russian is “kot”. With a short “o”. I hope that you know what a “short o” is and that I’m using the correct terminology.
“ktxbi”= “okay, thanks, bye!” and it’s my new pet peeve.
Twitter: Peajaye
December 31, 2009 at 9:44 am
wait, doesn’t “ktxbi” stand for “kinky transexual bisexual”?
Twitter: unlikelymama
December 30, 2009 at 10:18 am
I don’t drink vodka either…but for some reason we always have some in our freezer. It’s not like I offer shots to company.
Every home should have vodka in the freezer. I mean, I don’t, but every alcoholic home should.
Twitter: wendiaarons
December 30, 2009 at 10:24 am
And that? Was great. kxtbi!
Twitter: thehoneyb
December 30, 2009 at 10:30 am
I’m a lurker for the most part, but just thought you should know that I will be waiting patiently for the post on the Blow Job Olympics. 😉
Twitter: Sweet_Life
December 30, 2009 at 11:10 am
My husband is kind of jealous that Husbandrinka has a fancy name, and he only gets called “my husband”. So, if you decide to stop using “husbandrinka”, my husband calls dibs. Even though it would make NO SENSE on my blog.
I think Mama and Papa should be the roving reporters on the Blow Job Olympics. You know, make it a family event! Problem solved.
I love “Lady Olga”, can I start calling her that?
If I were a more talented writer I probably wouldn’t need the strikeout.
My New Year’s resolution is to stop inserting smiley faces and exclamation points in all my comments and posts. I’m sure if I can accomplish that our friendship will soar to new heights!!! 🙂
I hate me likey too. and my bad. hate that. really hate that. Otherwise I like everything and everybody, including the crossout thing. I know, I know, overdone. But so is 24-7.
You’re my favorite blogger; hope you NEVER stop =D
Mama? Is that you? Oh that’s right. Mama doesn’t read my blog.
And I enjoy reading your blog! Grew up just outside of NYC so I find your revelations fascinating. Everyone needs a good laugh, I would say, daily. You find the humor in life. Thank you!
I hate “I know, Right?” fucking stupid.
Strangely, I like “I know, right?” but I think I only like it when my daughter says it.
Twitter: vboykis
December 30, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Thank you for making me laugh, and happy that I don’t have a cat.
I thought I was the only blogger who didn’t use strikeouts. Turns out I’m part of a cool club after all!
You’re welcome.
And now, thanks to you, I have Poker Face stuck in my head. *sigh*
I would like to hear more about #9.
Ktxbi
Twitter: Carolynonline
December 30, 2009 at 3:01 pm
I heard a grown woman at Home Depot say “Oh Em Gee” out loud so I had to slap her. In the face. But I’m pretty sure she thanked me later.
1. Were we supposed to assume that because you are Russian you drink Vodka? Is that a requirement for being Russian? Wait, you are Russian right?
2. Tonics are good, especially with Vodka.
3. I also own zero pairs of stilettos. I love heels, but the idea of having to hack off 3 or 4 toes in order to wear “stilettos” is not an option for me.
4. Resolutions suck. Why is a new year the proper time to change yourself? I have enough issues with writing the new year date on my checks. That’s my resolution…to remember what the frickin year is.
5. I love the strikeout. Before I found it I was constantly parenthesizing things in order to include my witty banter and what I would actually like to say.
6. No likey? What are we? Five?
7. My grandparents are Mum and Papa. I don’t care if anyone, English or otherwise knows who I’m talking about.
8. Lady Olga sounds insanely regal. Your daughter rocks! I’m going to start calling my Mum and Papa, Lady Arlene and Lord Glen.
9. John should be pissed. Not only because I am crazy curious about the Blow Job Olympics, but because that would have been a hilarious post from you. Parents can cover their kids eyes…Parental Discretion is Advised.
10. Husbandrinka beats DH hands down.
11. Love to comment on blogs that make me happy.
Thank you for making me happy. ..and what the hell is “ktxbi?”
Well, I was going to ask you how to do the strike through thing, but I think I’ll ask someone else now.
*two of my children are Russian born; therefore I will take all the fucking vodka you will not drink
* i just got slammed for not writing enough funny posts and too many serious ones
* she also said i didn’t use the work, “fuck,” enough anymore. So send me some mother fucking vodka and I’ll fucking write your posts and you can fucking write mine.
* i love you and don’t know how to strike through; not that those two fucking go together or anything
Does that mean you will not be competing in John’s Olympics?
Twitter: Devivo
December 30, 2009 at 6:32 pm
I feel the same way about Gin and healthful aspects of tonic. Perhaps I should try this vodka you speak of.
Did you make up that Russian part too? OK now I’m thinking I am just gonna wait to get your book on my Kindle.
If you are done with “Husbandrinka” I could totally get some mileage out of it. It would be harder for me than for you, but would be good material for my book.
HNY!
wait, you lost me after number one.
Your blog is amazing! Now I won’t spend the same number of years wondering about ktxbi as I did for TTFN. txbi
I believe #6 is irritating to us all! Glad you didn’t do resolutions since no one lives up to them anyway…and why take the time to lie.
And yet, when you blog (in English) you say Mama and Papa again. Have you ever worried that you might be schizo? Just asking….
Twitter: MommysMartini
December 30, 2009 at 8:18 pm
See, and I worry that I write too many serious posts and not enough funny ones. Judging by our relative number of subscribers (not the number of relatives who subscribe to us), I would say you have the formula right and I don’t. My only minor problem is that I am not that funny.
On another note, I was having the hardest time falling asleep last night and for some reason started thinking about random boys I had crushes on in college. One of them was a Russian major and wrote me a note once with a sentence in Russian at the end. I never knew what that sentence said, though I always fantasized it was very loving. If only I’d known you then, so that you could translate… Anyway, just thought I’d tell you that I was thinking about you as I was falling asleep last night. Maybe you can work that into your post about John’s Olympics somehow, you know, so you have your own scandal angle to play. You’re welcome.
I normally don’t comment, but I love this post!
the strikeout was funny like, the first 4000 times i saw it; now it just makes me want to put a spoon in my eye.
i’ve never commented (which is practically blog blasphemy, i know) but have been reading for a few months now and wanted to tell you how much i love your writing. really, i love it here.
I love reading your blog! Keep writing
Twitter: ohmommy
December 30, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Im dedicating a STRIKE OUT in your name tomorrow.
Twitter: Mamabirddiaries
December 30, 2009 at 10:21 pm
what is the strike out? i’m so out of the blog loop.
okay, I happen to think the strikeout is the funniest form of humor writing their is and if I could strike out half this comment I would. Since I can’t I will settle for this _———————–.
Calling them mama and papa is one thing but my using the word mommy to speak to mine this weekend (just the once remember) , is a true sign of mental illness.
Twitter: moxie_mama
December 30, 2009 at 10:45 pm
ok, well I happen to LOVE the strikethrough. Likey and nom nom…also make my list of likeys. (Sorry.) Hope you can look past it. Because I really like your digs here. Found you on Mom 101’s list.
Good Stuff.
Mox
Of course! Opposites attract, you know.
How do we stop the “nom nom?”
Can we also call off any form of “I threw up in my mouth a little?”
They both make me throw up in my mouth but only a tiny bit.
Twitter: amyuwm
December 31, 2009 at 9:34 am
Here’s a revelation for you. I’m pretty sure no one comes here to read serious posts. I surely don’t. You’re welcome.
Happy New Year!
Can you at least live-tweet the Blow Job Olympics or let your gay friend John do it. He sounds like he’s pretty fantastic and I want to know more about this event.
Why haven’t I been reading you? Clearly you are the funniest woman in NYC and I’ve been missing out.
i have no stilettos
i just ate some potato salad
i got tired of twitter so i quit, but now i want to go back.
i’m making granola
i think about food to much.
You make reading blogs fun for me! Love your blog and love your humor. If ever feel inclined to be serious, I will continue to read, because I’m hooked. But please, at least let it be good gossip so I can talk about you to other people. Happy New Year!
Twitter: bethsix
January 1, 2010 at 1:23 am
I’m with you on #5.
And please to tell if the BJ Olympics will be airing on network television.
Twitter: grandemocha
January 2, 2010 at 11:47 am
I”m having a hard time imagining what other events would be in the BJ Olympics? What do they wear? Who would the sponsors be?
I’m curious as well. And I have a good imagination. Oh my.
Damn. I just learned the stike out and was feeling like a blogging supa-star. I’m crossing shit out left and right!