images from The Huffington Post.
This is Stephanie Naumoska, the Australian contender for Miss Universe. As I understand it, that means that she was vying to become Miss Australia to compete for Miss Universe, but I am, admittedly, not well versed in the world of beauty and glamour. But seriously, Miss Universe? Like, where’s Miss Mars? By the way if I were competing, I’d totally be Miss Anthrope. Also if I transgendered and became a drag queen.
But back to Stephanie Naumoska. She’s 5’11” and weighs 108 pounds. I’m guessing that at least 4 of those pounds consist of hair.
The media has been asking if she’s too thin. (And what’s her secret, tee hee!)
Ok, is this some kind of a joke? Is it a serious question? Yes, Stephanie Naumoska is too fucking thin.
Yesterday morning, I’m making the kids’ school lunches and I have
Good Morning America on in the background and suddenly the story that I was born to watch comes on. Did you hear about this? This contender for Australian Miss Universe is under fire because she donned a bathing suit during the competition and she is so bony that everyone is super shocked and starts going on about how this is unhealthy and is she anorexic or bulimic and what kind of a message is this sending to our daughters.
Oh, sweet Jesus. I wish that this political correctness bullshit would just fade away, and maybe like for a day, people would say just what they meant.
Like, she looks bad. As in not good. In a way that has absolutely nothing to do with health. Heck, Kate Moss is no one’s idea of a health freak, but she looks fantastic.
But of course, everyone is focused on health, because we are all worried about this girl that we’ve never seen before and never want to see again. (As a matter of fact, the Good Morning America story is filed under “Health” on its website as opposed to, say, “Shit That Makes Old Hags Feel Better About Themselves”) Really, where do I send my check? Because with everything that is going on in the world today, I think that I am going to devote myself to her health and welfare. I’d like to sponsor her. Send her a few dollars each month for food and water and in exchange she will write me letters. I’m pretty sure that Sally Struthers prophesied this.
So I’m hoping that Good Morning America will say, “Is she too thin? Fuck, yes! Next up, how not to die from the swine flu and survive the recession!” but instead we get Stephanie telling Diane Sawyer how hurt she was about what people were saying about her and how she’s never cried so much in her life (hello, dehydration!) and that she is fit and healthy and that she eats six meals a day. The fuck? I don’t eat six meals a day. But I’m starting to think that that’s my downfall because I have seen Cindy Crawford twice when she lived in NYC and each time was at a pastry store. Two different ones. I had to conclude that that was her beauty secret. And yes, I was also there at the pastry shop, what’s your point?
Anyway, back to Stephanie. So she’s talking about her six meals a day, and this is when I start to suspect that GMA sets this shit up,because Diane Sawyer brings out a plate of food–I THINK it was fish and some vegetables, but it’s a full plate and asks “is this like a meal that you would have?” and Stephanie says “yes” and that she doesn’t deny herself anything. I can tell that she’s lying because a normal person would have lept at that plate of food and licked it clean, but she just sat there looking at it. Like it meant nothing to her. I don’t know. Maybe she just had five of her six meals before she went on the air that morning.
But my favorite part of the whole interview, and possibly of my entire life so far, comes when Stephanie says that she is speaking up for the rights of skinny girls everywhere. Because if ever there was a misunderstood demographic, it’s gorgeous, ultra thin young women. And as a society, we must devote more of our resources to helping them. I was so happy to hear that. Because I was starting to suspect that she was just getting her five calories of fame.
